U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
