apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
