Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
