So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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