Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
