I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize