I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can text with my tongue
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize