Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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