what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
