i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize