I look better un-naked...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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