you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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