Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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