ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Duck Duck Cougar?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
its not stalking. its research.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
