why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
