So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
