I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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