had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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