I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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