Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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