New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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