I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
