I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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