she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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