Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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