would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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