Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
