I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
