i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
