i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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