I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
