Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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