Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
