omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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