so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
