You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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