He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize