I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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