I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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