O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
