i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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