Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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