If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
