well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
