but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
