If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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