just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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