is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
