Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I checked into jail on foursquare
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
