Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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