Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
