Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
