Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
