This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
