Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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