That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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