I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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