Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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