what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
