when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
