you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
