If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
