pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
