I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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