I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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