But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
