ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i came on her dog
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
