I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize