i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
