she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
