I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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