He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
